STEPPING OUTSIDE ONE’S OWN CIRCLE
is a difficult, yet necessary task. Whether it’s social, personal, comfort, perspective, or a combination of such; doing so provides a vantage point for reflection, and most of the times- it’s brought forth by those who stand by your side.
I go through phases of counting myself out, something I’m sure a lot of people go through. When we pour ourselves into the things we care about, questions like “Is it enough?”, “Do I really have the ability to do this?”, “What if I don’t do well?” seem to override any sense of confidence, and it doesn’t do us any good.
However, I feel like Life puts us through mini-challenge events on purpose. It gives us the chance to see if we’re capable of reminding ourselves of our ethic, our passion, our determination, our sacrifice; and I feel like last weekend was one of those moments for me.
Dynamic dark-electro-pop duo, BOY HARSHER, shredded the stage last Saturday for Boiler Room’s event at the Brooklyn Mirage, and they hooked me up with a backstage-media pass to shoot for them!
Now, I’ve never been at the venue before, so naturally, I did a quick Google search to check it out…
And, holy fuckin’ shit- this place is MASSIVE.
My heart rate started to rise a bit, which was generally the case during shoots, but this was just two days before the show AND THE NERVES WERE ALREADY KICKIN’ IN??
Seriously though, this venue was a literal complex, with apparently the largest curved LCD display in the country? (I’m not quite sure how accurate this information is, I was told this by some dude named Ben who was simultaneously tearing up the dancefloor with his footwork)
ALRIGHT, NOW BACK TO THE NERVES!
1. I’ve never been to this venue
2. Oh, it’s the biggest place I’ve ever shot in
3. I get to shoot for one of my favorite artists (which is usually the case) who are constantly rotating in my “DARKWAVE GAINZ” playlist (aka Sounds for Picking Up Metal Objects and then Dropping Them)
*gulps*
I got this?”
In preparation for all this, I definitely over packed, and of course when one is carrying 20 lbs (9.09 kgs for all Metric Homies) worth of equipment-
The NJ TRANSIT is going to have delays, forcing one to run a decent amount of blocks across Brooklyn on a hot, humid summer day 🙂
Crowd in trance waiting for the set to begin shot on Kodak TMAX 3200P
GEAR:
– Canon A1 (OL’ RELIABLE)
-35mm wide angle lens (to catch the whole stage)
– 50mm prime lens (classic)
– 80-200mm zoom lens (which wasn’t working, and is now a paperweight lolz)
– Sony Handycam (to capture some HI-8 TAPE aesthetics)
– Mamiya RB67 (which I didn’t use, and weighs 10 lbs on its own)
– Light meter (Also didn’t use)
-Bag full of film (because I was paranoid that I wouldn’t have enough haha but quick shoutout to my boy Paul for supplying me with an emergency roll of Cinestill 800T because I was panicking when I couldn’t find any in stock anywhere on short notice)
Live shots captured on Kodak TMAX 3200P
Aside from the size of venue, this shooting experience was new for me because I had access to the photographer’s pit right in front of the stage.
Typically, I’m in the crowd with everyone else, which is always a good time. See, getting to shoot for artists you enjoy, I get to dive into the moment with those around me. I am shoulder to shoulder with them, and I use this to my advantage. I feed off that energy, and use their silhouettes to block out unwanted flares of light or to hone in on the subject on stage.
This time around though, I was alone. It was just me and my camera. I was dialed in, and once I was in there, all the nerves that were previously firing uncontrollably-
subsided.
My go-to combo of film stocks for shows is usually a 3200 speed black and white film (either Kodak TMAX 3200P or Ilford Delta 3200) and a roll of 800 speed color film (which most of the time is Cinestill 800T that I push +1 or +2 stops)
I stick to these speed of films because they provide me with some flexibility when shooting in these lighting conditions. I’ve found that the monochrome images are a bit more forgiving in the shadows, whereas sometimes colored images tend to have weird color shifts.
Live shots captured on Cinestill 800T pushed +2 stops
THOUGHTS FROM THE OBSERVER:
07/17/2022 10:35 A.M.
“Yesterday was one of the most proudest moments in my photography experience thus far. It was all so surreal. Despite the nerves I had before, during, and after; I felt so focused. I was in that flux, and I can say with certainty that these images, oh man, these images are going to be good- I can feel it.
Everything seems to be colliding, it’s weird, yet humbling at the same time (an event my brother has coined as THRICE-BIRTHING) Seeing all the fruits of one’s labor, and knowing that it has been the constant watering of my crafts and the support from others that has led me here, and others to me.
Jae and Gus were extremely nice. They treated me with such hospitality (even though there were plenty of stressors on their end). At first, I was really nervous. I’ve never met any of the people here before, but I was talking about this opportunity a couple days before the event with my cousin JB and one of the things he mentioned to me came back into thought:
“Listen man, do what you gotta do, and just be yourself!”…
– “Do what you gotta do”
This is what I do. How many times have I ventured out into the dark with the mission of capturing light? Our eyes tend to gravitate to what is pleasing. I know the buttons on my camera: I flip through settings in real time, I process inputs while my camera processes its own. I breathe, I set a tempo. It’s a sort of chaotic control- it feeds me. A symbiotic relationship where no organism is dominant.
–“Be yourself”
Sometimes I think about what that means, and sometimes- I don’t know. Whenever I write about this subject, I choke up a bit. Not in a somber way, but because it forces me to look at all the events in my life; the good and the bad, the people I’ve crossed paths with, the failures, and the opportunities I’ve been granted. All these things have, one way or another, had some impact on who I am today, and it can just be a lot to process. I’m currently on the train ride home from Brooklyn, and I’m examining my boots. Black duct tape has replaced most of the original sole, the heels are caved in a bit- I’ve definitely put some miles into these things. But I’m proud. These boots have taken me places; they’ve danced alone, they’ve danced with people, they’ve stomped, they’ve walked with a purpose, they’ve wandered aimlessly, and they’ve brought me back home a grateful amount of times. I don’t know where I’m going with all this, maybe it’s a tangent, or maybe I’m just happy that I get to do some things that I love and I can’t find the exact words to express it”
-C.V.
I mentioned earlier how it is crucial to step outside one’s own circle to really gain full perspective of the self. When your stuck in the middle, things get twisted in there with ya, so it’s hard to unravel your ideas and strengths from your worries and doubts.
This task, is hard-
But it’s a bit easier when you have people rootin’ for ya. They’ll tug ya out from time to time to show you the view you’re missing out on.
So with that, thank you, and until next time folks 🙂
