EVERY NOW AND THEN,
you need a reminder as to why you fell in love with something in the first place.
I was granted that opportunity last week, and to be honest, I needed it.
Throughout the years, I’ve patiently observed my journey with film photography.
I’m at a point where I feel much more comfortable with an analog film camera in my hands than digital, and lately, more comfortable with a camera in front of my face than without one.
But that’s the problem with getting comfortable though. One gets used to certain things, be it outcomes, patterns, processes, etc. and whenever instances fall from out of those safeguards-
We lose our shit.
The other week I got the chance to catch LA-based songstress Riki perform in Brooklyn and was able to snap some shots from her set. It was such a captivating experience. The sounds, the lights, and the people, all made the time what it was.
After the show, I headed towards another bar for an itali-disco after party. Being that I knew I was going to be up to mischief in the late hours of the night, I had preemptively purchased an 8oz. Coconut Berry RedBull several hours prior at my local QuickChek (it’s all about looking out for your future self).
So, it was that time to get caffeinated. I reach into my small backpack that had various other belongings of mine and felt around for a room-temp cylinder. However, as I grabbed it, I realized something was off. I pulled it out from my backpack and noticed a small crack at the bottom of the can-
It was empty.
Now, being that I consumed a moderate amount of alcohol during the show, I didn’t think anything of it, and continued the rest of my night under the silver moon with nothing but my own will to dance-
And no Coconut Berry RedBull.
After navigating the city streets in my one-inch heeled boots, making a pit stop at a local food truck for some 4 A.M. tacos, and several stops on subway carts and trains, the sun eventually rose and I found myself in the comfort of my own bed-
For only about an hour.
The excitement of seeing what the night’s rolls
had in store seemed to overtake my physical exhaustion and I found myself packaging the film and dropping it off at the post office for delivery.
About a week and a half rolls on by, I’m studying in my school’s atrium and I get the email and text message I’ve been waiting oh so patiently for (I opted for both methods of notifications from The DarkRoom lab for that extra dose of Dopamine):
“Your photos are ready to be downloaded”
I instantly stop looking at pharmacy-related lectures and logged into my online account to view my photos they’ve just uploaded. After a couple clicks here and there, my eyes now lay on the scans-
And I feel the frustration starting to build up.
Remember that Coconut Berry RedBull I didn’t get to drink that night?
Well it turns out that a couple rolls of my film ended up bathing in that acidic solution, which resulted in numerous artifacts, scratches, and abnormal casts on all of the images shot on my roll of Ilford Delta 3200.
I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING. THIS WASN’T WHAT I EXPECTED. AND I AM DEFINITELY A LITTLE UPSET.
It bothered me for the remainder of the day. I kept looking back at the photos and thought
“damn it, I should have been more careful”
“Are these still even usable??”
“Fuck shit balls”
The next day comes on by, and I manage to gather enough courage to look at the photos again.
However this time around, I’m not upset.
I took some time to try and understand why it bothered me,
and I reached the conclusion that it wasn’t really the photos that irked me (they actually came out super cool) it was the fact that I didn’t particularly anticipate the result.
Which led me to ask myself
“Isn’t that why you fell in love with film photography in the first place, Chris?”
See, with film, as much as one may try to control certain variables whether it be the environment, composition, exposure, etc.
There is one variable that you can’t truly pin down, and that’s the chemicals themselves.
Although companies have procedures in place to make sure their products are as consistent as possible, as a frequent applicator of the scientific method, I know that nothing is EVER, 100% efficient.
That aspect of uncertainty is what brought me to bask in the emulsion to begin with.
No matter what I do, it’s gonna do a little bit of what it wants, and sometimes-
it’ll do a lot more.
I’ve always had a love for chemistry. I believe I mentioned this before that in the third grade, it was my Number One choice in the Top 3 Things I Wanna Be When I Grow Up survey I took during computer lab.
And here I am, in pharmacy school learning about a bunch of drugs, their structures, how they react in the human body; while shooting film photography, learning about how light interacts with the various layers of chemicals and how I have some small role in all of that.
I never had a chemistry kit as a kid, but look at me now-
Walking around NYC streets with chemicals swooshing around in my backpack producing some things that I’m proud of 🙂
